Sakuras Mothers Cook Book (Refer to Shinobi Academy!)
by Cait123123cait
Summary: in Shinobi Academy! (also on my account) sakuras mother cannot cook. these are the recipes, and reactions to her cooking. will be updated when a new food appears in shinobi academy! it is horror, for the food. the food makes this horror. especially the lasagna.
1. slugs on bread

**Im gunna keep this short and sweet. The disclaimer anyways. I do not own Naruto or the characters. Just the recipes, and the 'story lines' if they can be called that. And this one story will only be updated when a new recipe shows up in mine and kelpies "Shinobi Academy!" please read that one! I promise its funny. And let me know if you have an idea for a recipe we could do, or if you want us to make a recipe for a certain food. **

Slugs on bread!

Recipe:

bread:

\- 3 cups ground bones (preferably from a dead human corpse. But fish bones work too.)

\- 1 1/2 cups fermented pig fat

\- 4 cups ground up worm pulp

Slugs:

soak slugs in a mixture of:

\- 1 cup human blood

\- 1/2 cup vinegar

\- 1/2 cup pureed cheese

soak slugs in mixture for 2 days. Then serve on bread.

What Pein and Chouji think it will look like:

NORMAL bread, and not completely messed up, cheesy slugs. Maybe a little weird, cause its slugs on bread.

What it actually looks like:

red-ish orange slugs, crumbly bread with little white pieces in it (probably from the bones) weirdly coloured bread, and all in all, not very appealing.

Reactions!

FIRST UP: PEIN!

"hurry up and eat!" Sakura's mother said.

Pein looked at Sakura. "Do i have to?" he asked.

Sakura looked at him. "Sorry! But look on the bright side," she paused, trying to find a bright side to all of this. "we can go out to get something else to eat after! Something that we can actually eat even!" Sakura assured him.

"You owe me for this."

"Get in line. You're not the first person whos had to eat her food. And you're not going to be the last, either." Sakura replied.

Pein glared at her. "You're going to get it pinky." he threatened.

Sakura smiled. "You wouldn't dare. Know why?"

Pein looked at her. "Why?" he asked back.

"cause some of my best friends include: Hidan, Itachi, Kisame, Tobi, Kakuzu, Sasori and Deidara. They would get mad if you hurt me." she replied, a smug look on her face.

Pein sighed. He then took a bite of the 'food'.

He froze.

"Whats in this?" he asked.

Sakura showed him the recipe.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed and ran out of the room.

Sakura sighed. 'well, not much i can do now.' thought Sakura.

NEXT IS CHOUJI!

Sakura and Chouji were sitting in Sakura's living room, working on an art project. They were almost finished.

"Would you like a snack?" her mother asked.

Chouji's face lit up at the mention of food. "Yes please!" Chouji said. He had never seen Sakura's mothers cooking. As of that moment, he was a lucky soul, who had just sealed his own fate.

Once her mom had left the room, Sakura turned to Chouji. "When do you want your funeral?" she asked.

"Why?" he was now concerned.

"once you see my moms food, you will understand."

her mom then came back. On the plate she was carrying, was the ever dreaded. Slugs on bread. Chouji now understood what Sakura meant. "A-actually, I'm not so hungry..." he said. He would eat most things, as long as they looked like they were supposed to. And what Sakura's mother had put in front of him, was NOT in any way, shape, or form even CLOSE to looking normal.

"But a couple minutes ago, you seemed so excited to be offered food!" her mother said.

Chouji panicked. "O-ok. I-I'll eat o-one..." he stuttered. And he did. He then proceeded to run out of the house, much like Pein had previously done.

'maybe i should WARN people before they come to my house. Then the number of people who run away screaming would go down.' she thought.


	2. Lasagna

**Hello! Behold. Itachi and Hidan's worst nightmare! MWAHAHAHAHA!**

**enjoy!**

Lasagna.

Recipe:

Lasagna

\- 20 fried pigs feet

\- 10 chicken brains

\- 3 cups worm intestines

\- 7 spoonfuls of sand stone

\- 1 cup water

Orange Goo

\- 2 cups of human blood

\- 15 mL of brain juice (cerebral spinal fluid)

\- 25 bottles of orange food colouring (cuz orange is SUCH a pretty colour!)

what Zetsu and Suigetsu think it will look like:

LASAGNA!

What it actually looks like:

grey. Bubbling. Orange goo oozing out of it. Blobish. Puddle of slime. GROSS!

Suigetsu and Zetsu were both a bit... Curious, as to why Sakura had decided to invite them both over for dinner tonight. She didn't even really have a reason.

"Hey Zetsu! Hey Suigetsu! What are you doing tonight?" asked Sakura.

"Hello Sakura-chan! Im not doing anything tonight. Why do you ask?" replied Suigetsu. He was now EXTREMILY curious as to why she would invite him over. Sure they were friends, but it was still a little weird.

"I'm not doing **anything either** Sakura-**chan.**" said Zetsu.

"TERRIFIC! Do you guys want to come over for dinner tonight?" she asked. In all honesty, Sakura knew she was being cruel to them. So why was she going to 'punish' them with her mothers cooking? Though, she did have something to ask them. To her surprise, they both agreed. She thought she would have to convince them to come. Maybe use some blackmail, or torture, just like someone taught her! And she thought those lessons with her uncle would never be necessary! Oh well!

"Great! I cant wait!" Sakura exclaimed. Zetsu and Suigetsu both smiled at the pink haired girl, an action that didn't go unnoticed by anyone in the life skills class.

Just then, class was dismissed. Before the 2 boys could leave, Sakura called "We're having lasagna!" before she left.

Hidan and Itachi heard that, and walked over. "Zetsu-san. Suigetsu-san. Beware of the lasagna." Itachi warned. Hidan cringed, and held back a scream. Suigetsu and Zetsu shared a confused look.

That night, they were both at Sakura's house. They were both slightly afraid of what awaited them on the other side of the door.

They hesitantly knocked.

They didn't have to wait long, until the door opened with a creaking noise.

On the other side of the door, stood Sakura. Though, if you looked past her and down the hallway, you could see her father sitting at the dining room table, and someone standing in the kitchen, in front of the oven, and wearing a has-mat suit. They instinctively clung to each other, for fear of what would happen next.

Soon after they arrived, they were called for dinner. They now understood Itachi's warning. The lasagna was GREY! AND BUBBLING! And what, exactly, is the orange... GOO oozing out of it? You know what? I don't want to know!

Suigetsu, whos mom ALSO cant cook, eyed the food. "hmmm... maybe it tastes good?" he thougth out loud. Zetsu hoped he was right.

Of course, life always had a way to screw with the life's of these particular students.

As it turns out, Zetsu has an anaphylactic reaction, to sandstone. And Suigetsu is now scarred for life. Though, Sakura's mother had fun making to food! But that's besides the point.


	3. sushi!

**hello! sorry we havent updated this in a really long time! we got kind of side tracked with shinobi academy! we are really sorry! we promise we will make it up to you! tell us your favorite naruto character, and we will have you interact with them in a roof scene! you can even tell us what you want to happen! we are really sorry about that though! and if you dont want to be in a roof scene, you can pick something else you want as your reward for being so patient with this story! we are terribly sorry! please do not be too mad!**

**you can review, or PM me your response. please! it can be anything! it could even be something for this! it can even be multiple things! just please no more than 3 or 4 things. for right now anyways. then once we have used all your ideas, you are completely welcome to send us more ideas. they could even be for filler chapters. whatever you want! it will be done! it just might take a bit of time. please! but thank you for being patient!**

**anyways, this is the sushi chapter. the following recipe is for one piece of sushi. **

SUSHI

Fish:

one fish (live and any size)

3 stalks of giant kelp, imported from the U.S.A.

Rice:

cook rice in grease for 3 hours, or until all the grease has been absorbed. which ever comes first. the glaze is now made of grease.

ami and kabuto were determined to make sakuras life a living hell. they were also convinced that she (for some reason) liked kabuto. like, a lot. and that sasuke was desperately in love with ami. they decided that, to make the 2 of them be put through emotional torture, they would -insert gag here- pretend to -gag! lots of gagging!- d-d-date… -insert shudder here too. just for added effect.-.

their plan was foolproof. kind of. they walked into school the next day, and immediately saw sasuke and sakura. they immediately held hands, and walked as close to each other as they could manage. everyone was staring at them as if they had lost their minds.

they probably have.

they then approached sakura and sasuke. "Hey! guess what?" ami asked sakura, completely ignoring sasuke.

sakura shrugged. "I have never been too good at guessing games. just tell me." she said.

ami squealed. "Me and kabuto a-are d-d-d-dat-dati-ng." she finally managed to say.

sakura smiled, and knew that the both of them liked sushi, and knew of their childish plan. she pulled out a see-through container containing the sushi. ami immediately saw it, and squealed. this time for real. "OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH! IS THAT SUSHI? LIKE, THE GOOD SUSHI?" she asked.

sakura grimaced. 'good? suuure...' she thought. she then nodded. "Yes. it is sus-" before she could finish her sentence, ami was already asking for a piece. sakura willingly gave her the whole container.

ami wont be asking for food from her for a while….

oh well!

**hello! we have finished! the recipe chapters never seem to be that long… we will have to come up with some more ideas for these. i will post the next one as soon as i get it finished. please dont hate me! remember what i said at the beginning. you can review or PM me your response. **

**see you later!**


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